Hello everyone, my name is Alen Ellykid Simpson, I am writing this account of my encounter with the entity calling herself "Azula", I am dead now ...so I'm a ghost ...I guess. Anyhoo, here is my account of the events leading up to my horrible, steamy death.
day 1
I got up earlier than usual, at about 1:30 pm, today was a special day and I wanted to look as pretty as possible. I take off my shirrt and look in the mirror at my well-toned abs, my sexy pecks and my pride and joy, my nipples, so tender, so well toned. Everyone I knew was jelos of my nips, they wanted so hard to have them, but they were MINE, ALL MINE! No one could have nips as supple and jucy as mine! Where was I? Sorry, I got a bit carried away thinking about my... never mind.
I was going to a fancy dinner party, or some shit like that, I don't know. I met up with my best friend in the world, Feem, (let's just call him that) he complimented my on my nipples as expected then we met up with my friend with boobs, Sheila and we went to this fancy caferaunt, Nugget Palece.
The food was shit as always but we ate it anyway, it was free because Feem's dad was in a bromance with the owner. Feem ordered a whole whale carcass as usual (I don't mean that as a figure of speech by the way), ate the whole thing, farted on a candle and set the whole building on fire, so natrally we leave and I'm feeling slightly angry and stoned soe I leave for home.
That night was one of the worst things I've ever experienced, what made it even shittier was the dream I was now having: I was walking through a forest made of fried chicken, while the song "What Does The Fox Say" plays in reverse and at slightly lower pitch, I move through the forest, I look down and find that I can't see my feet, instead there was nothing but a fat belly, I don't know what is happening, I look foreward and see a most horrific sight, I'm actually eating the chicken, I'm physically eating all the fried chicken and it's making me fat! But one thing I will never forget and will traumatize me 'till the day I die is when I felt my nipples, they had lost their rigidity and had become ...hyper-realistic burger nipples. Then I saw a man, he was of African American origin, he looks at me in disgust and says "you ate mah chicken, now you pay", in a puff of pitch white smoke he was gone and I was left alone in this empty hallway, at the end, a single red and black door, I walked down the hallway and opened the turquoise door and stepped through, that's when I first heard it: that Ozai cerial noise, it was like pixelated rice krispies after pouring in the milk, yet it sounded like that guy from Avatar for some reason. Then she came, riding a segway was Azula, she dismounted the segway and it turned into oreos, hyper-realistic oreos. She was horrible, her face and body completly blacked out with nothing but white pinhole eyes and a creepy grin visible, she walks up to me and says a phrase only an insane psycho-bitch would say: "how many nipples does it take to skrew in a lightbulb?" and with that I woke up in a fright. I couldn't even imagine using my beautiful nipples to skrew in a lightbulb, I cried for several hours simply thinking about it.
day 2
Even though the entity in my dreams was clearly Azula, I decided to watch a few episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender, thinking that there is now way they could be posessed by some demon from another dimension that somehow coincidentally looks like Azula, if only I had realised I was in a creepypasta. The episode I was watching was "The Beach", remember, the one where Zuko, Azula, Ty-Lee and Mai play volleyball and stuff, yeah that was awesome, also seeing Ty-Lee in a bikini was always a plus, I know she's a fictional character and all but DAYUM! I WOULD TEAR DAT ASS UP!
I got to the part where Azula and her posse had just beaten a group of fire nation kids at volleyball, however instead of Azula giving her hilariously awkward victory speech ...something else happened, the screen changed colour (now you know I'm from the British 'cause I spell colour with a 'u') so the background was 50 shades of white and Azula was blacked out, then came the pinhole eyes and the grin, I shrugged this off as just a glitch and continued to curiously watch, seeing what Azula would do. Azula reached out of the TV and with her mighty pimp-hand slapped me in the face, as she creeped back into the TV screen, I found that I was no longer able to touch me, I shrugged this off as my body merely experiencing a glitch and continued to watch as the episode retured to normal, all the characters continued acting as if nothing had happened, until the part where Azula metions that she's jelos of Ty-Lee attracting all the male attention, Azula pulled out a trout and she slapped Ty-Lee over the head repetedly, Ty-Lee begged Azula to stop but Azula seemed to be enjoying herself, I began to tear up and die a little inside as I saw Ty-Lee coming to harm and seeing Azula's sick pleasure in seeing Ty-Lee's face meeting trout, I wanted so bad to reach in there and rescue Ty-Lee from Azula's trouty wrath, then Azula tuned to me "Those are some sharp nipples, Alen" I crossed my arms over my chest in a defecive position, "you'd better be careful, you might accidentally screw in a lightbulb, illuminating a room for thousands to see!" I screamed, I creamed, took the DVD out of the TV, crushed it, took my 70 inch plasma TV with Netflix and smashed it into a million-bazillion-uranium-titanium pieces, then I took a bucket of chicken wings, poured them all over the TV and DVD pieces and set it on fire.
day 3
Needless to say I started living over at Feem's house after that, the fire I started nearly bured the whole house down and in a panic I spilled bleach all over myself, I didn't want to get caught in the fire, the bleach would bleach my skin and worst of all, my nipples.
I began posting a blog about my encounters with Azula, most people dismissed it as "a load of bollocks", however, one person contacted me, saying she had encountered Azula too, her name was Toph, I thought to myself "SAY WHAAA!?" we talked on Skype and she went into great deatail on how she accquired this game from her friend Stalin, thinking it was a scary rom hack or something she played the game, it was called HitLEr .exe, I asked her what the heil a Hitler game has to doe with Azula, she told me it was haunted by a supernatural demon who called herself Azula and that she sent her on a sexually explicit adventure through the game and I was like "is Azula some kind of perv?" and she was all like "No, she's the queen of all pervs! The last Pervbender!" our connection then got cut off and I heard another voice, an eerily familiar voice "Toph, did I give you permission to talk to my next victim on Skype? Naughty girl! Get back in your cage!" I then heard what sounded like an elephant riding round on a moterbike while a seal slams a kipper repetetly on a table for about 33.25 minutes then I heard the familiar voice again "your nips, Alen" I Squealed and punched the computer moneter with my foot, I didn't want Azula to have my nips! MY NIPS!
day 4
Oh god oh god oh god, why? Why did Azula want to rob me of the only thing I truly cared about, my one true love? And why the fudge did she have Toph in a cage? This sounds like the plot of some kinky Azula x Toph fanfiction, why!? Everyone knows it's all about Tyzula! Ty-Lee is love, Ty-Lee is life!
Oh yeah, this story has a plot doesn't it? Okay, back to the plot.
I went to bed but found it difficult to sleep because of the thought of Azula stealing my nipples, I wore normal pyjamas, not one of those onesie things all the chavs and hipsters wear. My window was open, but I pacifically remember closing it, then I saw HER in the corner of my room, she pulled out the trout, the same one she used to punish Ty-Lee and presumably Toph, I screamed, Azula ran out the window as the police arrived and heard the noise, I was safe, for now.
Az the Azula crisis was averted for now, I began to ponder, could Avatar: The Last Airbender be the work of the Illumninati? I then realised I was smoking meth at the time and decided to kill the Illuminati.
I killed them all, so no more Illuminati, no more conspiracies involving the Illuminati, just me, my nips and my psychotic stalker, Azula.
Speaking of meth, some other person messaged me on Skype, he called himself Heisenberg, he told me more about Azula and all of her associates, including Ty-Lee who was leading an Azula-worshipping cult calling themselves "the cult of PewDiePie", normally I would say this is all bullshite but I apparently spoke to Toph before and I'm apparently speaking to Walter White now apparently and let's not forget that it has become apparent to me that I'm apparently being hunted by a fictional 14 year old, firebending princess-bitch. Heisenberg had previously contacted a detective called Sokka after his sister's untimely demise at teh hands of Azula, Heisenberg was like Toph, trapped in Azula's world, he only had a few minutes to talk with me before Azula would get wise to what he was up to.
Heisemberg told me that Azula needed my nipples, the most powerful nipples in all of existence to complete her ultimate superweapon, this weapon is said to have the power of a thousand trouts to the face, the speed of over 9000 black guys eating fried chicken and the absolute indestructability of a planet made of oreos. All Azula needed to do was to take the nipples that are stronger than other nipples and absorb their power. I couldn't let this weapon be completed! Azula needs to be stopped for my nipples' sake! and for the rest of the the world or something or nothing.
day 5
I know I can stop Azula, I can feel it! I acquired the ass key from Feem's ass, its power could help me stop Azula, it still smelled of whale and miracles.
What the hell am I talking about?
Azula entered my house again, I was ready, I threw the ass key at her with all my might in an excessive melee of periodic table propotions. She deflected it with her middle finger in a very hyper-realistic manner, that's when I knew I was screwed, the ass key was my trump card, the one thing tat could defete Azulor and stp meh form making retarded spesling mistakes, seriously guys i'm not doing theis on purpose, I'm just really tried.
Azula grabbed me then I blacked out, to this day my Corpus Superium hurts and is sore.
day 6
still blacked out, hmm, hmm!
day 7
still blacked out, hmm, hmm!
day 8
I awaken... however... I realise something... something vital is missing from me... somethig important... I lift up my shit and look at my chest ...my nips ...they're gone ...no cuts or nothing where they were surgically removed ...it's like they were never there to begin with...
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
day 9
I can't go on anymore, the only thing I've ever lived for is gone, my true love destroyed and cast away by an evil fire bending bitch.
I can't go on, I have decided rather than live a nip-less life, I shall end my life, right here, right now. As I sit here in this dark, dank pit of despair, I recount all the things I have done in my life, all the things I have experienced ...and the things I won't experience, I will not be part of Azula's seizure of depravity any more, her sick plagued, diseased world of madness and insanity, she may have my nips, but she won't have me, my life will end by my own terms, by my own hands, not her's.
epiloge
So that's how it happened, that's how Azula killed me, now she's building a superweapon, now that I'm dead I have come to know its name:
M. Night Shymalan.
Everything I have wroted here is the truth, all that has happened, it is all REAL Azula plans on turning our world into her own playground, I simply posted this article on the Trollpasta Wiki to avoid widespread panic, you, my beautiful person who is reading this story, are the chosen one, I bestow this knowledge onto you, so that you can continue my work, you are the only one who can stop her now, I hereby name you the one true Avatar.
Do not fail me, if you do, I'll kill you until you die.